Fall Back


This was my dad. His grandkids called him Cappy. He was my Daddy. He left this world on Monday October 29, 2018 at 11am. Right now, I’m in complete an total denial. I’m numb. I’ve never felt this way before. I was very sad when I lost my grandparents, my Jack the Cat, my Uncle Red, Brian’s grandparents and uncle. But this. This is something unreal.

My dad had been battling cancer over the past few years. He had a tumor on his neck removed but refused further treatment. Years later when it came back, he started chemo and radiation and oxygen treatment but it was too late. It finally spread to his bones. He was in a lot of pain. The last few months he had been on hospice. My mom was his main caregiver.

Wonderful activities starting happening. My sister came down and we all went to the symphony at the Disney Hall in Los Angeles. I took him to The Broad to see the Kusama installation. My sister came down again and we all drove out to Topanga Canyon and Malibu to see and hear stories of where he worked for 12 years as a wood worker. He got to say goodbye to friends, coworkers, family. All of us. His friend just happened to throw him a party with food and a little orchestra the day before he passed away. The timing of about everything happened so perfectly.

I took a lot of photos and portraits of him. It was a tradition starting in Kindergarten that we would take first day of school photos with Cappy. Whenever he’d come to an event at the kids’ school, I’d take a group photo. I wanted to remember him always being there. He was always there. Whenever I asked him, he’d be there.

He believed in me, my photography. He bought me my first serious camera. He came to my art shows. He came to performances when I was a kid. He taught me to ride a bike. He believed in me. I just loved him. He read stories to us every single night. He played board games, dug holes in the yard, whatever we wanted to do - he was up for it. He didn’t complain or say he didn’t have time - he just did it. And he did the same for our kids.

I’m working today. I edited 2 sessions. I have 2 more to go to catch up. I haven’t felt like doing anything at all but he believed in me and I love what I do so I moved my mouse today. I culled, I edited, I set up galleries. I move, I act, I will succeed in life because he believed in me. He supported me whatever I did.

It’s holiday time. It’s time to book holiday sessions. It’s Fall. It’s beautiful out there. Life is still happening for me, for the family, for you all. It’s hard to move on. It’s going to take some time but a friend of mine today said that I’ll find the joy and love in my photography as I always do. So let’s go. Let’s make memories together. Let’s capture those smiles, those moments so we won’t ever forget them.

xo, C