So we are here, mid summer. I've been working at a local photo finishing lab part time and another part time job to make ends meet. I hate to put it that way but it's the truth. I love the lab - great people, love processing film and customer service. Is it my dream job? No but I'm enjoying it and a steady little paycheck. As for the dream - I have it, I'm on it. I'm not quite living it yet. The dream is to make a living from photography to support my family. The dream is to own a store front. The dream is to do what I love and not stress about making ends meet. The dream is to own a home. The dream is to to thrive, not survive. So I'm going to make it happen. I'm not giving up hope that I can make it happen. I just have to work harder. It's a difficult thing - this art thing - having others understand how their investment in art will last a lifetime and beyond. I'm not going to lie, I'm not cheap anymore. I can't be cheap. Cheap doesn't work - not only for my family but it's not what my art is worth. I know there are people out there who appreciate and understand what it's worth - I just need to find them. I need to work harder.
It's hard to balance work and summer with the kiddos. I want them to have great experiences. I'm working really hard to make that happen. We have been to the pool, the beach, the Hollywood Bowl, sleepovers, play dates. I'm sure its enough but it doesn't feel like it. I want more for them. I want to travel with them - give them everything I can. I feel like that isn't happening right now. I feel like I'm failing them and myself. Yikes, this post is getting a little dark. Sorry about that.
Back to dreams and making them come true - I know I can do it. I know it's taking me longer than I thought it would take but I'm trying to talk myself into feeling that it's OK. It's meant to be this way - the struggling before it will be OK. There I go again, getting dark. Well this is me. I'm cheery and strong and fun but sometimes not so much. So I'm going to start some projects just for me. I'm going to photograph my family. I'm going to make sure I'm not just staying still. The dream will not just be limited to summer. The dream will come true. Thanks for reading my ramblings! Invest in small businesses. Make dreams come true for you and for others.